--- title: "Accurate Empathy: The Hidden Skill Behind Effective Facilitation" description: Learn how accurate empathy goes beyond listening to build trust, reduce defensiveness and support meaningful change in facilitation and clinical work. image: https://blog.changecompanies.net/hubfs/Blog/Banner%20Graphics/AdobeStock_619367312.jpeg --- [Technical Support](https://support.changecompanies.net/?hsLang=en) [Contact Sales](https://go.changecompanies.net/contact?hsLang=en) Search changecompanies.net About Us [About](https://changecompanies.net/about?hsLang=en) [Leadership](https://changecompanies.net/about?hsLang=en#leadership) [Advisors](https://changecompanies.net/about?hsLang=en#advisors) [Contact Us](https://go.changecompanies.net/contact?hsLang=en) [Careers](https://changecompanies.net/careers?hsLang=en) [![The Change Companies Logo](https://844aa8d177dcf87d02fc-8f72bb99f02c2e7ec80fe67c19b57c36.ssl.cf1.rackcdn.com/newsite/TCClogo_website.png)](https://blog.changecompanies.net/) - Products Products [![](https://blog.changecompanies.net/hs-fs/hubfs/Internal/Logos/Atlas%20favicon.png?width=28&height=28&name=Atlas%20favicon.png) Atlas: Behavior Change Platform Helps agencies and providers drive measurable behavior change, so fewer people return to custody or use.](https://changecompanies.net/atlas?hsLang=en) [Sessions Plan check-ins and groups, capture notes, and track delivery fidelity, all tied to case and treatment plans.](https://changecompanies.net/atlas-sessions) [![](https://blog.changecompanies.net/hs-fs/hubfs/Email%20Graphics/Icons%20and%20Thumbnails/Small-Icon-Template_FeaturedArticle.png?width=28&height=28&name=Small-Icon-Template_FeaturedArticle.png) *Interactive Journaling®* Evidence-based expressive writing that blends MI, CBT, and the stages of change to guide lasting change.](https://changecompanies.net/interactive-journaling) [![](https://blog.changecompanies.net/hs-fs/hubfs/Website%20Pages/DCP%20and%20Atlas/Treatment%20and%20Recovery%20Icon.png?width=28&height=28&name=Treatment%20and%20Recovery%20Icon.png) Clinical Assessments DSM-5 and ASAM Criteria–compatible tools for diagnosis, placement, and service planning, with Evince.](https://shop.changecompanies.net/collections/clinical-assesments) Training [![](https://blog.changecompanies.net/hs-fs/hubfs/Email%20Graphics/Icons%20and%20Thumbnails/Small-Icon-Template_BoosterTraining.png?width=28&height=28&name=Small-Icon-Template_BoosterTraining.png) Curriculum Training Train facilitators on the key skills that make *Interactive Journaling®* most effective.](https://changecompanies.net/training?hsLang=en) [![](https://blog.changecompanies.net/hs-fs/hubfs/Website%20Pages/FP%20and%20Training/BasicFidelity-Icon.png?width=28&height=28&name=BasicFidelity-Icon.png) Self-paced Learning The Fidelity Platform: online, self-paced training that upskills facilitators on their schedule.](https://changecompanies.net/fidelity-platform?hsLang=en) [![](https://blog.changecompanies.net/hs-fs/hubfs/Website%20Pages/Homepage/ASAM%20logo-2.png?width=28&height=28&name=ASAM%20logo-2.png) The ASAM Criteria Open enrollment trainings from Train for Change on ASAM skills, implementation, and CARF certification.](https://changecompanies.net/asam?hsLang=en) - 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When practiced skillfully, it deepens trust, reduces defensiveness, and helps clients move toward clarity and change.   #### What Accurate Empathy Really Means Among the many tools that effective facilitators and clinicians can use in their work is that of accurate empathy. In [Motivational Interviewing](https://changecompanies.net/motivational-interviewing), Miller and Rollnick define accurate empathy as “an active interest in, and effort to understand the other’s internal perspective, to see the world through her or his eyes.” The word empathy could suggest having had the same or similar experience: “I’ve been there, and I understand.” Fortunately, that is not what makes a more effective facilitator. You don’t need to have had the same experiences yourself, any more than having had cancer makes an oncologist more effective.   #### Why This Skill Matters At its core, accurate empathy is about understanding what another person means and what they are experiencing. Facilitation models like [Interactive Journaling®](https://changecompanies.net/interactive-journaling) will support this kind of deeper reflection and meaning-making by using expressive writing, motivational interviewing, CBT, and the stages of change to motivate and guide individuals toward positive, lasting behavior change. This is much more than simply repeating back what a client says. It is an active effort to truly understand the other person. It is the sincere, productive desire to get to the underlying feelings and motivations behind their words.  Accurate empathy is a skill that looks easier than it is. For a variety of reasons – whether the righting reflex, past experiences, biases or otherwise – clinicians can sometimes make inaccurate assumptions about their client’s feelings, their situation or the point they are trying to make. This can happen even with the best of intentions. Using accurate empathy can help facilitators avoid making inaccurate assumptions, build trust and support positive outcomes for clients.   #### From Silence to Reflection You might try to practice empathy by being quiet and listening carefully to what someone says. But even if you achieved a reasonably good understanding in that way, this is not what accurate empathy means. Your own internal understanding is of little use to clients. Many facilitators develop and strengthen this skill through evidence-based resources and tools like [Atlas](https://changecompanies.net/atlas), using digital platforms designed to support reflective practice. The clinical skill of accurate empathy simultaneously helps both you and the client move toward a clearer understanding of their dilemma. What is added beyond respectful silence is the skill of reflective listening, offering gentle guesses about what the person may mean. This is done not by asking questions (“Do you mean that you...?”) but rather by offering your guess as a statement. This can feel strange at first, because you know you’re only making a guess that might be wrong, which makes you want to ask a question instead. However, questions tend to be more pressuring or threatening, even though that is not your intention. #### Opening the Door to Change Consider the difference between these two responses: - That was really frustrating for you. - That was really frustrating for you? The difference is an inflection of the voice upward at the end of the question, and doing that can evoke defensiveness. It’s a subtle skill, but the good news is that your participant gives you immediate feedback about whether your guess is correct (and whether you posed it in a threatening way). Just a touch of sarcasm in your voice can turn a good reflection into a confrontation. You can use tools like the digital tool, [Atlas,](https://changecompanies.net/atlas)to easily track, reflect on, and build upon over time. Based on your client’s response, an effective reflection can open up more opportunities for asking questions, evoking motivation and working toward a client-centered therapeutic alliance.   --- ![Atlas devices](https://blog.changecompanies.net/hs-fs/hubfs/Email%20Graphics/Product%20Images/Atlas%20devices.png?width=508&height=274&name=Atlas%20devices.png) Evidence-based, behavioral health[Interactive Journaling®](https://changecompanies.net/interactive-journaling) curricula are available digitally on [Atlas](https://changecompanies.net/atlas). Atlas can save staff time while supporting fidelity to evidence-based practices. **Ready to see what Atlas can do for your program?** Visit our website to schedule a personalized demo today. [Learn more about Atlas →](https://changecompanies.net/atlas/demo) Provide your information below for a complete overview of [Atlas](https://changecompanies.net/atlas) for your setting. ![The Change Companies](https://blog.changecompanies.net/hs-fs/hubfs/Internal/Logos/Social%20Media%20Logo.png?width=150&name=Social%20Media%20Logo.png) #### The Change Companies For over 30 years, The Change Companies has delivered cutting-edge behavior change tools to over 26 million individuals in addiction treatment and justice services. We combine the latest change research with end-user feedback to continually improve the design and delivery of innovative solutions, such as our evidence-based practice of Interactive Journaling®, our programming platform, Atlas, and our live and on-demand skills-based training programs. 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