Supporting Clients in the First Stage of Grief: Denial

What is grief?

What is grief? Grief is the way people process and adjust to loss and other significant challenges. It can affect people emotionally, physically and mentally. People may feel sadness, shock, anger, guilt, or even relief, depending on the situation. Some might express these emotions openly, while others may hold their emotions inside. There’s no one “right” way to grieve.

The first stage: denial

The first stage of grief, as identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, is denial. Denial serves as a coping mechanism that allows individuals to process loss at their own pace. It can act as a buffer, giving the mind time to adjust to the reality of the situation.

During denial, clients may:

• Struggle to believe the loss has occurred.
• Feel emotionally numb or disconnected.
• Avoid discussing the loss or act as if nothing has changed.
• Insist that a mistake has been made or that the loss is temporary.

Denial is not necessarily a refusal to acknowledge reality. Instead, it is the mind’s way of processing and protecting itself from overwhelming emotions.

How to support clients in denial

Denial is a delicate stage where pushing a client to “accept reality” too soon can backfire. Instead, clinicians can offer support by meeting clients where they are in their grief process.

1. Create a safe, nonjudgmental space
   Allow clients to express their thoughts and feelings without pressure. Simply providing a safe environment where they can talk — or sit in silence — can be healing.
2. Acknowledge their feelings without forcing acceptance
   Phrases like “I can see that this feels unreal to you” or “It makes sense that this is hard to believe” validate their emotions without pressuring them to move forward before they are ready.
3. Provide gentle connections to reality
   While clients may not be ready to fully accept their loss, small, compassionate reminders of reality can be helpful. This might include acknowledging facts of their situation in a sensitive manner or discussing changes they have noticed in their daily life.
4. Encourage expressive outlets
   Journaling, art, music and storytelling can help clients process their emotions indirectly. These activities might allow them to externalize feelings without the pressure of sharing them directly.
5. Be patient with resistance
   Some clients may insist that they are “fine” or avoid conversations about their loss. Gentle check-ins and consistent support can help them feel less alone as they gradually begin to face their reality.
6. Assess for Complicated Grief
   For some, denial can persist beyond what is considered a normal protective response, leading to avoidance behaviors that interfere with daily functions. If a client appears stuck in this stage for a long period of time, additional interventions — such as referring them to a grief specialist — may be necessary.

Moving forward

Denial is a natural and often necessary part of the grieving process. It is not something to be “fixed.” Rather, it is a phase to be navigated with care. As clinicians, offering patience, validation and gentle support can help clients gradually transition toward deeper processing of their loss. By meeting them where they are, you can help pave the path to healing — on their own terms and in their own time.

Caring for yourself as a clinician

Supporting clients through grief can be emotionally challenging. Ensure you take time for your own self-care, seek supervision when needed and establish healthy boundaries. By maintaining your own well-being, you can continue to offer compassionate and effective support to those in need.

Read more about the topic of grief here. →

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